The Secrets to Recovering the Magic
We’ve all heard it, if not experienced it firsthand: after a few years of being with someone who you thought was going to be the one, the fire starts fading. The sparks that was there at the beginning is slowly disappearing. To paraphrase the song, she never closes her eyes any more when you kiss her lips and there's no tenderness like before in her fingertips. She’s tryin' hard not to show it, but baby, you know it.
Don’t worry, you’re not alone—this happens in every relationship. The question is, how do you bring back that lovin’ feeling? First, you need to identify the problem before you can come up with a solution.
Here, we list the most common relationship killers and the things you can do to reignite the passion and romance:
1.You’re in a Rut
Be it in bed or in your day-to-day interactions, a lack of excitement can definitely bog down a relationship. As our bro Barney Stinson explains, sticking with a routine puts you in a rut. After all, rut is the first syllable in rut-tine.
The Fix: Spice it Up
Be spontaneous. Do something out of the usual. Trying something new sparks passion and excitement, which can only do good things for the relationship. Take her out on a midweek date and show up all dressed up, instead of your usual ragged look.
2.You’re Always with Her
Too much of a good thing is bad, and it applies to relationships, too. While you think being together all the time nourishes the relationship, it could actually be hurting it.
Everyone needs their space, even your girlfriend or wife. Being together every minute of the day could be suffocating one or both of you. The lack of interaction with friends and other people will also bore the both of you.
The Fix: Take a Break
Go out with friends, play ball, or hit the bar for a sports night. Being part of a group outside your relationship enhances a sense of belongingness, which, in the end, becomes a buffer against relationship dissatisfaction.
Give each other some space from time to time. Let her go out with the girls while you meet up with the boys. Let her enjoy a day at the spa while you go pamper yourself at the barber shop.
3.Misreading Each Other is Becoming a Thing
When a squabble breaks out, you tend to see your SO’s negativity as something innate (“She’s always been like that” or “She just won’t admit her faults”) rather than a literal spur of the moment thing.
When you’re not under duress, you tend to forgive small behavioral lapses, but in the heat of an argument, you tend to blame them for these negative behaviors. That pattern then builds on itself over time.
The Fix: Go Back to Reality
If you’re always dreaming of how much happier you’ll be with a significant other who “didn’t act like that” or one who really understands you, stop. Imagining these ‘ideal partner’ situations makes you less happy because it allows unproductive desire and regret to build up.
While communication about the issues that bother you is okay, it’s best to highlight the things you think make her great, rather than constantly trying to “fix” the tics that annoy you. For instance, “I like what you did with the living room” is always better than “Well, that turned out well.” You basically told her you’re impressed with her and it wasn’t a fluke.
4.Stress Gets in the Way All Too Often
Singles are more likely to start new relationships when they are stressed. It’s the opposite for couples, though, as stress has a tendency to get under the skin of your relationship—not to mention on your skin, as well.
In part, the pressure eats away at your self-control, weakening the resources that usually keep you from, say, blowing up an argument with your significant other. You do your best to control yourself/your nerves trying not to say or do something that might get you into trouble. Chances are, you may not have enough energy and self-control left to handle even the smallest argument with your girl.
The Fix: Have Dinner Late
Even if you have generally good relationship skills, miscommunication can be a common scenario if you or your partner is under extreme work stress.
Take some time to unwind after getting home by doing something other than going straight for dinner. Take a shower, clean your face, and fix yourself up so you look refreshed before eating. That way, you have time to cool off so when you get to the table, you have more control over what you’re doing.
Ignoring the Little Things
As the gentleman, you should be the one doing more of the sacrifice for her. Whether it’s going out of your way to pick her up after your basketball game or when her shift ends, or simply letting her choose the movie you’re watching, sacrificing for her boosts the relationship’s health.
It shows that you value her enough that it’s okay for you to take a step back and let her be in the lead. Trust us, even the subtlest of this effort will stand out.
The Fix: Break the Expectancy
Do something she likes every once in a while. List down things she likes and set a reminder to do one of those once a week. If she’s the one who’s always taking a step back, acknowledge it properly and thank her. She’ll be happy to hear it.
Whether you want to go on with the relationship or not depends on you. If you do want to keep things going with your babe, at least you now know where and how to start reigniting the flame and getting back the sparks.