The Ligaw Diaries: When to Give Up
There are countless fictional references about how a guy meets a girl and how he manages to be friends with her. As the relationship gets layered and embellished with yearning and adoration, the boy admits his feelings and starts to court the girl. Long story short, they end up together. Admit it, you've also fallen for this needlessly optimistic romantic movie trope. It's given you hope that the girl you're pursuing will eventually lay her eyes on you with love and longing.
Unfortunately, real life isn't a chick flick. You became friends with her and eventually started to pursue her. The girl responded with some hints that the boy will end up with her in the end. But, for some reason, the guy gets stonewalled. Many questions and speculations will rise above the perceived defeat, but the main concern is should you back off? If you say no, when should you stop?
Reading the Signs
On the supposed first date you've planned, she says she can't make it, as she's promised her girlfriends they'll go somewhere. On your second attempt, she says she's sick. On your third attempt where you almost beg, she says she's working. Is she interested?
It's hard to accuse her of lying, and at this point, you don't want to be mad at her. But, if you're smart enough to decipher the difference between excuses and go-aheads, you'll realize that she doesn't like you. If you're friends with her in the beginning, she obviously doesn't want to transcend the boundaries of the existing relationship.
This doesn't mean, however, that you will have to give up. Give it some time (although it's highly subjective). Be patient until she says, "Yes! I'm free Saturday night." Consider giving up in case you reach the next two points.
Pursuing Level: Stalker
Just because you pursue a girl doesn't mean you have to follow her tracks every single time. Stalking does you a disservice. It becomes your outlet to escape the hard reality where her "No" or "Just friends" could be final. If you're aware that you're starting to be more serious about keeping track of her whereabouts and activities, it's time to give her up. It can also take a toll on her health, something you don't want to happen if you really adore her.
You're the "Best!"
She's happy with your advances, and she keeps you feel invited to pursue her. But, how many months or years has she been doing it? Eight months? A year? Five years? Check your wallet. Does it always get emptied every time you go out with her? Does she ask you to get her this and that? If you always receive go-aheads but never an answer over a long period of time, it's time to throw in the towel-especially if you feel like you're through with lavishing her with gifts or you're tired of hearing "Thanks!" and "You're the best!" Best at what?
Finally, give up if she firmly says "No!" time and time again. It doesn't take a genius to figure this one out. Give both parties some respect. Consider her offer of friendship if she refuses your proposal. It's unfair to say after the rejection that "Friendship is an insult given by the person you love." Her offer signifies that she still wants you to be in her life. Corny as it may sound, but it's the next best thing after an actual relationship.