Rejected and Dejected: When She Refuses to Accept Your Love
You know that it's an unrequited love from the beginning. But you choose to gamble, anyway. After mustering all your confidence and practicing a few lines that you hope will further your cause, the time arrives and you evidently have reached the point of no return. You start a small talk, focusing on the anecdotes that show nothing but rainbows and butterflies. And right after the stories, you blurt out the question. Whatever that question might be has probably caught her off guard because you recognize that awkward silence.
"Sorry," she then says.
You suddenly hear Rivermaya's Balisong playing on loop in your head. You know that it's an unrequited love.
Depending on your disposition, rejection can be either a good or a bad thing. In our previous article about being friendzoned, we talked about the bright side of being categorized by your loved one as a friend. But what if you couldn't move on?
Know Why You're Rejected
This may be counter intuitive, but it is necessary. Some of her reasons might not be personal, and knowing what they are will help you respond to the rejection appropriately. More importantly, these reasons may serve as a lesson that will help you in situations like this in the future.
The apple of your eye may not be interested in a relationship. Maybe she's already seen your type. Or maybe, your personality's too strong for her. Whatever the reasons you might find out, use them to improve yourself and turn things around... if you still have the hope.
Pursuing Her Again? Love or Ego?
There are types of guys that come on way too strong right after the rejection. These go-getters will do anything to win the girl's heart. But there are two underlying reasons behind this motivation: ego and love. More often than not, some guys conflate their love with their ego in pain when they get rejected.
From sociological and psychological standpoints, there's some sort of attitude that is hardwired in the members of the XY group that push them to pursue the women they can't have. This attitude may be similar in some ways with the "hunter complex," as described in pop psychology. Maybe these guys find thrill in the chase and can't afford to be rejected. When they get rejected, their ego gets hurt, which starts another cycle of the chase.
Love may still have a role in the second chase, but you need to discern if a desire to heal a bruised ego comes with it. If you believe that that desire turns into an uncontrollable impulse, you might want to hold your horses; you're playing a dangerous chase.
Don't Lose Yourself
For a nearly spineless guy, losing one's self is the easiest thing to do after hearing her apologies and explanations. It's normal to lose yourself when the wounds are still fresh. Chances are you will turn your favorite brandy into a companion or double the number of sticks you smoke in a day. This is normal, but if there's still remaining sanity in you, put in some efforts to pull yourself together. It is always easier said than done, but do yourself a favor: try.
There are a lot of things to do (please don't include flinging with another girl). Focus on your passions. Work out. Watch the films you've always wanted to watch. Learn a foreign language. Do anything that will help you do away with anxieties and things that encourage you to ruminate on what had happened.
Her rejection, the moment you hear the words that justify it, can be one of the most excruciating things in your world. You may try again, but remember that you will have to respect her decision.